This is a blog from a person that has had an spiritual awakening and believe have become enlightened. I think of myself as a logical person and I am not affiliated with any church. I make this blog because I want feedback and might help someone else with my experiance. Read this blog with a critical mind. Everyone has their own world and their own road to follow. What works for me might not work for you.

Please seek help if your depressed like I was. My way is not a gentle awakening.

I am a person that are questioning everything and there have to be logic to make sense for me. To belive something is not enought for me. Belief is just theories and need to be proven. And only because something is proven does not mean it's not wrong. You might have simplified things and missed something. Later on I will post belifs/theories I have but this is my recallection of what have happened in my life.

Im a middle aged Swedish man with an ok job where I do logical problem solving all day and help people. At the age of 10 I was awakened from a belief that the world was nice place and spent the 6 next years being verbaly and physicly bullied and spent 4 more years in a verbaly hard enviroment. This has made me less social than I could have been for a while. I have a collegedegree that haven't given me a better job. Been unemployed and had to work my way up, so I know how crappy Sweden can be as a country and can relate to the people that feel they have no purpose. I could have thought something was wrong with me and started doubting myself and hating myself, but I was smart enough to understand that I was not the problem. It was the society around me that created the situation. I have more friends than I can handle now.

At this point I found myself depressed. I hadn't gotten what I wanted in life and the world around me is still not what it should be. It feelt all wrong to me. Im not talking about just Sweden, I mean the whole earth. There was not problem with the planet or the universe just the humans. I was in a very dark place and if I had a button that would have killed all "bad"  and corrupted people I would have used it. I feelt like I was just building up karma and helping others but got no help in return. So I got feed up and decided that now it was time to get the answer to what happens after death. After a while I found myself in the loony bin.

There I thought a lot, since I had the time and finally read "Beyond Fear - A Toltec Guide to Freedom and Joy" where some things made sense for me and have my mind and world clicked. Some of the last peices of the puzzle fit.

The concepts I needed to understand to awake:
1 Karma and rebirth. This took away all stress I had been feeling in my life and all preasure to preform. The idee was that all people evolve as souls and some lifes you go forward and sometimes you go backwards. But there is no hurry, you have how many lifes as you need. It is not a race. I have evolved to this point since Big Bang. In the end everybody that is farther will help the ones that are lagging behind. We can't reach the end until all souls have learned. Karma is a natural law but not a punishment. It is the proof of how much you have grown and you cannot cheat the lesson that you need to learn.
  1. Heaven and hell is a state of mind. I had before thought that I was in hell. Heaven and hell is not a place you got to after death for me but how you percive your world. 
  2. Loss of ego. I lost my sense of being better than everyone else. Even the ones that have treated me badly. They do not understand what they are doing. We all have the same worth. There is nobody above or below me. 
  3. The understanding that I was at the right place at the right time. Many things that seemed random made sense. All things matter. That you exists and actions changes the whole universe. Just you being here changes how the whole universe moves by Newtons law of gravity. You are important. 
  4. All is one and one is all that exists. This is the place where I understood the connection to everything. The atom is a part of a molecule, is a part of a cell, is part of you, is part of social group, is part of earth, is part of solar system, is part of galaxy, is part of physical reality, (unknown number of parts that i dont know of), is part of all. The 1, the everything, the GOD. I am a part of GOD as a cell is a part of me. The concept that two people are the same but still unique. They are both "cells" but are at a different place in spacetime and have evolved differently.

When I got this thought I heard 3 sound in my head (would call them knocks) and everything was different but still the same. The first thought after was "That was not churchbells".

A couple of days later i spent time at a big store and saw a lot of people. It was a shock how good they looked. I could see beauty in both men and women. Where I before have been very picky about looks I was attracted to people i normaly would not even have looked at. I got quickly exhausted and had this strange feeling on the top of my head.

I have these feelings almost always now but sometimes they were a pain. When it got to the top of the nose it was very annoying.  In the begining it was only when I went to bed for sleep and when i had nice thoughts. I have read books and pages on Internet and this fits with Third Eye Chakra and Crown Chakra but I am not sure this is right. I can't feel the other chakras. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakra. I have noticed that if I have my palm upwards I feel more of the Crown Chakra (will call it bliss since it makes me feel very calm). Meditation don't work well for me since I have a brain that won't stop thinking, but singing works really well in the car and the shower.

If you have any suggestions on spelling, clarification, thoughts, suggestions please send me a mail at Apushforenlightment@gmail.com. This blog is also evolving just like my theories and faith. Im not a writter but a technician in my daily life so bear with me if my writting is not well thought out.