Next time you feel deflated, disapproving or judgmental toward yourself, someone else, or a situation, pause for a moment and challenge yourself to wonder. As Socrates said, "Wisdom begins in wonder." Ask yourself, "What is in between right and wrong or black and white? How can I look at this differently? Does it have to be 'all or nothing'? "

Life is largely about the grey area. The grey area is that segment of our life that is somewhere in between black and white, doing and not doing, controlling and withdrawing, right and wrong, good and bad. Every so often, find the middle path. Begin to pay attention to the inner judgments you make and examine their validity. negotiate

Life is all about subtle balance and varying degrees. Step back from a frustrating situation. Take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself, "Am I thinking in terms of extremes? Am I judging myself too harshly? Am I looking for certainty when there is none? How else could I look at this? What could be the various shades?"

Sometimes a label doesn't envelop all of the qualities it's attempting to define. Sometimes there is no immediate solution to a problem, or there could be all sorts of possible solutions to the same problem. There are lots of different ways to look at things, and the same approach or definition for everything doesn't always work.

Adopt a more forgiving and flexible outlook and train yourself to focus on the in-between shades. Just like the gauge of an electrical dimmer that subtly operates the shades from dark to light or light to dark, you can do that for yourself.

Have you ever watched a sunset and noticed how the colors of the sky gradually change as the sun slowly goes down? Carl Rogers said it perfectly: "One of the most satisfying experiences I know is fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset ... I don't find myself saying, 'Soften the orange a little more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color ... ' I don't try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds." Give yourself a kindhearted break, and discover the beauty of your varying shades and the shades of those around you.

Each shade has its own unique quality. Remember, that your stumbles are as complete as your successes. Each step, each breath, each action is complete as it is. As you accept this completeness, it encourages you to learn and to develop appreciation for your life as it is.