My father passed away recently after a five-year battle with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease as it is more commonly known).  ALS is an untreatable, incurable disease that progressively worsens until death.  His illness, his battle with it and his death had a profound effect on my life.  It, in many ways, restored my faith in God and living. 

 

There are many ways to cope with grief from the death of a loved one.  To help deal with the grief of my father’s death, I wrote the following letter to a childhood minister and his wife.  It gives an account of one of the many events that occurred during my father’s illness that strengthen my spirituality.  The letter is very personal.  But writing it helped me through the grief process.  The letter (shared below) gave a means to express my feelings, my sorrow, my joys and express my reflections on life and death. 

 

My grief over my father’s situation still continues and it probably will creep up at times throughout my life.  Yet I believe that this letter and its construction was a major part of the coping process for me.  Writing it was stressful, it took several days to complete and I shed some tears. But its completion was a turning event for me in the grief process.  Everyone has different ways to grieve, but I commend this as one method and recommend it to all.

 

The Letter:

Dear Reverend and Mrs. Brown,

This letter is somewhat a voice from the past and is being written to say thanks.  So “Thank You!”   It is thanks long overdue, but one that God held until the time was right.  I believe that “right” time is now.

 

Let me explain.  My name is Jim Yoakum.  I am the son of Dick and Jerry Lou Yoakum.  Along with my parents, my two sisters (Lynn and Joann) and my two brothers (John and Randy), we attended Maize Manor United Methodist church during the 1960’s. (P.S. My mother is still a member there.)  Up until the time you left Maize Manor to minister elsewhere, you were the only minister that my sisters, my brothers and I had known.  Besides normal ministering, you were instrumental in counseling my Mother regarding severe issues with her mother and stepfather.  That was needed for her to be the wonderful mother she is.  Among other things, you helped me earn the Boy Scout of America God and Country award and metal.  You significantly touched our lives and continue to do so up to this day.

 

We have often thought of you and your family and the spirituality and faith we learnt from you.  Most often those thoughts came during times of crisis when we were closest to God.  Remembering what you had taught us and instilled in us during our days at Maize Manor, somehow made it easier to weather each crisis.  While there have many times our faith held steadfast and got us through due to what we learnt from you, the three most significant for me were my mother’s stepfather’s suicide in 1978; my divorce in 1998, and my father’s illness beginning in 2003 and his eventual death at the end of 2007.  Each time we needed God the most, you were there helping hold together the rock of our religious and spiritual foundation.

Over the years our family often talked about you and wondered where life had taken you.  On a couple of occasions, I made half-hearted attempts to locate you.  We had asked some other old members of Maize Manor if they knew of your whereabouts, but we never could locate you.  So many years have passed without being able to communicate our gratitude.  But as I said above, I don’t think God wanted that “thanks” to be said just yet.

But then miraculously upon my father’s death, God set a sign and I knew it was time for this long overdue word of gratitude to be sent.

 

My father was diagnosed with ALS-Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis or Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2003.  The five ensuing years were difficult, especially for my mother.  At the beginning we questioned God as to “why”.  But we soon realized that my father got ALS for reasons unbeknown to us and that it was not to punish him or anyone else.  Our faith in God allowed us to approach this as a blessing.  In the end we were all better and stronger as individuals and as a family.  Consequently, despite his significant medical needs we able to grant my father’s wish and have him die peacefully, at home which did three days after Christmas on December 28, 2007.

 

One of the people who ministered to my Dad close the end was Elaine Clinger Sturtz.  God sent her to my Mom and Dad a couple of months before his death.  By that point he had been completely bed ridden for several months.  I met Elaine for the first time just days before his death.  She had come to their home to pray for him.  We sat with him and prayed.  He was basically at that point incoherent and unable to communicate much.  We said a prayer together and then after words she told me she was a United Methodist Elder.  Casually, I asked her if she knew George Brown.  Was I shocked when she said yes.  We then chatted for several minutes about how you were part of our family’s lives.  Then I asked her if she remembered Mrs. Brown’s name.  She was thinking when my father mouthed “Carole”.  Recognize this was the first word he had said in a while.  We were all amazed (and I viewed it as a sign from God). 

 

As I reflected upon this later, I realized that you and Carole were with my father at his time of greatest need.  God does work in mysterious ways, but is always there with blessings.  You were one of the many blessings God sent to us time and time again, and again at the end of my father’s life.  I genuinely believe that your teachings and early friendship made me the person I am today.

 

I also realized that God brought Elaine to us to provide the means to contact you.   It was at last time to say thanks.   Our religious and spiritual rock was tested many times during my father’s bout with ALS, but we held steadfast in part to you.  So here is that long over due and heart felt “Thank You.”

 

God Bless you and your family.  I hope you and your family have been blessed as we have.  With heart filled love, a final thank you.