My first blog

Aubyn, like the previous response from Shawna, I have just stumbled across your blog this morning, while I was researching spiritual blogs (I am about to start my own blog shortly).

It's clear from what you've written, that you are searching for something to make you feel more fulfilled in life. What occurs to me is that you seem to be looking for validation of your worth as a person, in the opinions of others (as you mention the perceived difficulty of forming relationships beyond the acquaintance level) when you seem to be overlooking the most important relationship you're ever going to have - the one with yourself. Self help books are all very well up to a point but just reading them is not going to get you anywhere fast - what you could do is ask yourself this question - "what action have I been taking?"

The only thing in your world that you have any hope of changing is - yourself. Once you begin to change yourself, then miraculously everything around you will begin to change! Don't take my word for it; try it out for yourself. You mention that you have raging doubts about many things, including relationships and I don't know if you include your boyfriend in that but either way, here are a few things that you could do that will help you get closer on a spiritual level.
1. Give to your partner, without expecting anything in return. Couples often fall into the trap of "keeping score" which not only blocks connecting spiritually but can cause emotional roadblocks, such as resentment and anger. It doesn’t have to be a lot; maybe a smile, a kind word, a kiss, or even a joke.
2. Get rid of distractions, such as TV, cell phones etc., which are intrusive and spend some "couple" time together. Go for a walk in the park, go for a coffee and allow each other to speak your feelings, without interruption. The format for this is that you will take turns to tell each other about something that may be a concern but you preface it with "I feel" etc.
This format allows you to let your partner know exactly how you are feeling about some issue, without it being a confrontation (ie. it's about how you feel, how it affects you and not an attack on your partner).

I have introduced this technique to many hundreds of clients, over the years and the results (if you practise it diligently) are quite spectacular.

One other thing occurs to me and that is that you mention "a few close friends" along with your mom & sister. Focus on feeling grateful for these blessings, because believe me it will change the "signals" that you send out unconsciously to all you come into contact with. That will automatically make you more attractive to people.

Hope this may be of some help to you Aubyn.

Best wishes,

Betty


PS. I have a book (The Whispering Soul) which is an account of my life and work with people. It contains a complete section on how to make your life more enjoyable and some very interesting case histories. It is intended as an inspirational book and I would be more than happy to send you a complimentary copy, if you want to send your postal details. I'm based in Dublin, Ireland by the way.